Bullying

I recently read the blog post below. I found it interesting. Read her post and then see my comments below.



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You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face

12 FEB 2012

by queenofthecouch (http://viewsfromthecouch.com/2012/02/12/you-didnt-thank-me-for-punching-you-in-the-fac/)



On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:



I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own. I find it appalling that this line of bulls*** is still being fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.



When the f*** was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.



My daughter is `10 years old and has come home on more than one occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little a**h*** and a**h***s are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with a**h***s she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues, to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter, grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be flattered? F*** off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s a**, if necessary. They sure as s*** wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.



I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect, friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them that bullying is a valid expression of affection.



The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I LOVE YOU”.



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I like her main message. I don’t appreciate the language (which is why I bleeped it) but I understand her frustration. As a mom of boys I would hope that if my son did any of the above actions to another girl (or boy), the adult (be it teacher or other parent) would tell me. I don’t want his actions excused! I want to explain to him why it is wrong, teach him how to express himself, and make him apologize to the child.




My middle son, who is 9, would be more apt to “express” himself by teasing the girl and those actions would be appropriate for his maturity level. Notice I did not say that his actions would be right or that I would approve of them- just that they would be age appropriate. If he did do this, it would be a learning/teaching opportunity for us. However if my older son, who is 13, told a girl she was “ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair” (quote from the blog) I would not consider it age-appropriate at all. Truth be told he would be in deep doo-doo. We are talking deep, deep doo-doo-- Like grounded for a year stuff…no phone, computer, game systems, sleepovers, no fun, etc, for a year. I don’t tolerate it.






I have a similar issue…the difference is that I deal with a lot of boy-on-boy bullying. A lot of times other moms dismiss the bullying because they are “just being boys”. I am sorry -being a boy does not mean bullying other boys, saying hateful things or tormenting another child. If my son says/does mean things to your son I make him apologize. If your son said/did mean things to my son I expect the same. This hardly ever happens. Usually my middle son takes the brunt of the bullying. He is social immature and therefore easier to bully. The thing is – if he was a girl I think the other moms would have problems with what their boy said/did and would make them apologize. How ironic is that?!?

Who doesn't like a good party?!?

The local school superintendent recently announced a change in the public school food policy. Well, it blew up- literally. The local schools (mainly elementary) took the policy and rewrote it or miss-communicated it to their students/parents. It became this HUGE deal - when in reality it isn’t that big of a deal.


The actual policy says

1. Teachers can’t use food/candy as a prize. So when the kid answers the question right they don’t get m&ms or skittles… (Who doesn't like m&ms now and then?!?! :-) )

& 2. The school employees can’t bring in food to feed to the students.

But what came from the above policy was “the classes can’t have parties anymore”.


Nowhere in the policy does it say that!! And this is not a new policy- this policy went into effect in 2005 when my middle son was in 2nd grade. (I remember it because the same “we can’t have parties” was going around.) The school employees are going wild with the no party thing. "Oh we can't have a valentine's day party". Aside from the fact that the policy doesn't say you can't have food or a party---Since when does the word "party" mean "food"? When we were kids a valentine's party was exchanging of cards and maybe a little extra snack. ONE snack- not every kid bringing in a bag of candy or a dessert and sharing it with the other kids…so the kids leave a sugared up mess.


The policy is a good policy! Why do you want the kids sugared up on candy just for answering a question? And what about the kids with food allergies or diabetes? This policy doesn’t hurt anyone and it protects so many. Obviously this policy doesn’t affect my kids now since we homeschool …but what if something happens and I have to put them back in public school? My middle son reacts to red dye and gluten…which are in most candies and easy snack items. If he ever did have to return to public school he would have to have a medical IEP (Individual Education Plan) for his food allergies.

At the end of the day this food policy goes a long way in keeping my child, and many others, safe in a public school environment.

Bet you didn't know I have a son with butterfly powers, now did you?!?!

I just had to share this:

The other day J tells me that God was originally making him to be a butterfly but when I became pregnant God decided that He would give J to me instead...and took almost all the butterfly powers away. I had him repeat this a few times, thinking I had misheard him! LOL
Then I was like "Where do you get this stuff?!?!" Thinking someone (namely big brother) had been putting stories in his head. LOL He said "No one told me it...I just know."
So then I asked him why he thought he use to have butterfly powers. He said “well I am the only one in the family who can curl their tongue like a butterfly so it must be true!” I asked him to show me...He meant curl it so when you look at him his tongue looks like an “o”. Similar to this:

Of course, since he said no one else could do it everyone then had to try- turns out only J and I can curl our tongues “like a butterfly”. LOL

Through all the hard times I will always remember that my son is an original, amazing, creative child. Man, there is no limit to what he can accomplish if he puts his mind to it. :-) I love my butterfly son!

Tagging?

So my son evidently has an issue with “tagging” his name on everything. I guess I should be gratefully he doesn't tag his territory like a dog does!! LOL


Here are some examples:

My bookcase (carved no less!): Guess who will eventually inherit it? LOL

His dresser: (2 separate drawers)

What is up with that? He keeps telling me he isn’t sure why he does it. He also wrote his name in his closet with permanent marker- still haven’t gotten that off, even though I tried stuff that supposedly would take it off (such as that "Eraser" that is suppose to get everything off!).

Anyways, thought I would share my frustration upon finding yet another “tag”! :-)