Death comes aknockin again...

And the death question comes up again…how do you deal with death and children. My oldest son (12yrs), K, had Boy Scouts tonight. Afterward he found out that one of the boys died while on his way to Scouts. We have had a few family deaths in the last few years but this is the first death of someone who is anywhere close to K’s age. He seems o.k. but I don’t think it has sunk in yet. At the moment he is more upset that this child’s death is causing a mutual friend (I will call him JM just for clarity) pain. JM was good friends with the dead child. Tonight on the way to Scouts K had told me that JM is one of his “true friends”- someone who helps you just cause, who is there for you, and really cares about you. When K talked to JM tonight, JM cried while he told K what happened, how good of friends they (JM and the deceased child)had been, how upset he is, etc. K didn’t seem to know what to do, say, feel, etc. But I am proud of how he was there for his friend. K talked/texted with him for over an hour. They are suppose to talk again tomorrow too.


So while trying to figure out what to say to K I started pondering what I have taught my children about religion and God. I discovered I have lagged in that department. When I was younger, religion was always there. I got it at home, at church, with friends, family, etc. Since we moved away from my parents we haven’t found a church —or I should say I haven’t found a church, since my husband refuses to attend. The kids and I did attend a local church for a while but I discovered that my kids were unable to tell me the most basic Bible stories. Then I started working full-time and am required to work Sundays so we haven’t looked for another church again. Not sure there is much I can do about working Sundays at this point…but sometime in the future we will find another church.

For now I have searched through the Bible and have found some scriptures to comfort my son.

Here are some that I have found: 1 Thes 4:13-18; John 14:3, 27, 28; Rev 21:4; Rev 7:16; 1 Cor 15:52-54; Luke 18:16. I am going to use Mat 5:4 and Is 34:18 to let him know it is ok to grieve/cry. And then Ps 23 for comfort. Feel free to use them.

I have also decided that starting tomorrow we will have our first Bible story time. :-)

Death and Kids

All the Little Things

From “The Rest of Us” by Jacquelyn Mitchard

“We were barely settled after arriving for a week’s visit with friends in Washington, D.C., when it became apparent that their nine-year-old son’s hamster, Hank, was headed for the big aluminum exercise wheel in the sky.

That may sound comic. But the situation actually was pretty grim. Like many modern kids with mobile parents, our friends’ son, Zachery, unable to have a big dog or a furry feline, transferred all that affection seeking to Hank and Nerissa, his pals in the neighboring cage on the laundry-room floor. …kids then laid …Hank…to rest under the big tree where others of his tribe had gone before him.

“This is why I resist getting my kids pets,” I told Gayle, who answered that this was actually part of why she did get them pets. We stood there uncomfortably, watching our children play in the yard. “I just don’t want to be surrounded by things that are so fragile,” I said.

“But you already are,” Gayle said.

She brought a new hamster (Nancy) later that day.

A few days after we’d left, Gayle called to tell me that Zachary began crying hard one night in bed. “It’s Hank, it’s Hank,” he said. “I can’t get over it.” She murmured comforting things, about the good times, about the end of pain. Zach seemed momentarily comforted. Then he began to cry again. What is it? His mother asked. “It’s death, it’s death,” Zachary said. “I can’t get over it.”

I’m with you, kid.”

We have had many family deaths within the last year. My oldest son had experienced the death of his great-grandfather when he was about 5 yrs old. I am not really sure if he remembered that. I don't remember him really asking any questions about it. My middle son was 2 yrs old at the time so he doesn't remember that funeral. But this last year and a half we have had 3 family deaths on my husband's side of the family. The fist death, even though it was the kids' great-grandpop, didn't seem to really faze them. This may be because it was just a memorial service since Pop was cremated. Then in May their great-great grandma died. She was about 100 yrs old and hadn't been herself for a long time. The boys didn't even really know her. But this was an actually funeral with the graveside service also. My middle son was extremely concerned that they were going to put her in this hole in the ground. He didn't understand since he had never witnessed this before, therefore we had not had to explain the burial process. Once I explained that it was just her body that was going into the ground he still was very concerned...it took him the rest of the day to accept it. Even now, he occasionally brings it up. And now we have another funeral to go to- my husband's uncle (the kids great-uncle). This time it is just the memorial service but I am dreading it. I am sure this time my middle son will have lots of questions about why there isn't a body in a casket and why we aren't burying him in a graveyard. I just am not sure how I am going to answer them. 

As I read the above short story from Jacquelyn Mitchard's book it just touched me and I thought I would share it.