Sure, Award the bully! Seriously!

Ok. So I don’t remember if I have told you all about the issues we were having with a particular group that my oldest son is a member in…but basically there is a child who repeatedly bullied my son, along with threatening to break his wrist. This child is also in a leadership position within this group, which makes it double hard for my son. We have had other problems within the group, but that was the main one. So we go to an event last night where they are giving out things that the kids have earned throughout the summer. My son did not want to attend but we felt he should make an appearance. Along with the earned items they gave out some other awards. Guess who got the award of “Scouter of the Year”?!?! The same child who repeatedly bullied my child and threatened to break his wrist!! Seriously! It isn’t like this kid has ever apologized to our son or admitted that he was wrong, or anything! Yet somehow he “earned” this award. Yeah. NOT. In my opinion- bullying another child weighs a lot more than doing a job you weren’t assigned to do. That’s just called helping out…Which any of the kids would have done. The bullying is a more serious offense and it should have made him ineligible for the award.  If they want to award a child whose bad attributes outweigh his good, then this isn’t the group for us. Guess what we are doing next week? Shopping for a different group.

(Missing blog summary #1) Bullying in Public school

As I was looking at my blog this morning I realized that for some reason some of my posts have either not been published or have been deleted. I am not sure which- either way they aren’t even showing up for me. So here is a summary of some of the posts that are mysteriously missing.

My oldest started public school this past year. I found out in the middle of Nov that he was being bullied…by someone we knew. This bully is involved in just about everything we do too. He is a yes/no sir kid to your face but if you keep watching him (and he doesn’t know it) you will hear him say/do things that just don’t seem right. So I let it go- they are at the age where it is a power struggle thing. I let it go until the first weekend in Dec when the kid threatened (in front of several kids and on school camera- since they tape everything!) to break my son’s wrist. He had injured his wrist in wrestling and had it taped. After that I went to the coach, teachers, and Scout leader. The coach blew it off, said he would have a talk with BOTH my son and the bully (which I was pissed about). But I don’t think he ever did. The teachers were surprised (remember I said he was a yes/no sir kid) but said they would keep an eye out. The Scout leader said that sometimes power goes to a kid’s head when they become a leader (he was a senior patrol leader in the troop) and they would have a meeting with him and discuss what being a leader means, etc.

Then my son broke his collar bone during a soccer game. (a whole other blog) The first thing he said after the pain went down was that he couldn’t return to school because “the kids already mess with him. What would they do to him now that he had a broken bone.” I was furious! At both the school and him. He hadn’t said anything lately about kids bullying him so how was I to know? And the teachers were suppose to be watching for this – they knew what was going on! So I had a conversation with the assistant principal about the safety of my son and kept him out of school for over a week. The assistant principal seemed shocked that anything was going on. I told him if my son gets injured or touched in any way once he returned to school he would hear from my lawyer BEFORE he heard from me. I will no longer put up with the bullying!

The kids get away with bullying because there is no REAL punishment unless they physically harm someone or damage property. My son informed me that he can’t tell because the teachers don’t listen and it gets worse when he does say anything. These bullies get their hands slapped and then get sent back to class to make life even worse for kid being bullied. So much for the “No Bullying Policy”.

Yep Food Allergy Issues Again...we have to go through this again!

(Ignore the hyphenated links- I didn't put them in there. Don't click on them - they are just spam)

Remember my issues with gluten free food and camp last year? If not here it is: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8805802396615111471#editor/target=post;postID=7575027716423073464;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=11;src=postname
 Hopefully that takes you to the right place- if not it was published last July (2012).

So we had issues last year with the camp cook cooking my son's gluten-free food. Guess what?!?! We are having the same issues again this year!!!!!!! I have been so ticked off this week that I haven't been able to post. Here's what happened.

I emailed the camp cook (same as last year - unfortunately) and camp director (also same as last year). Here is an abbreviated version of my email.

Hi,
I need a menu of Cub Scout Resident Camp (2nd week) emailed to me.
My son, Pack xxx, has a raw carrot and gluten allergy. He is a Webelos so he will be there for the whole week. I will provide a revised menu (based on the menu you provide) with what he is allowed to eat and the substitutions that I have sent in place of what he isn't allowed to eat. He will bring 2 copies of the revised menu (1 for himself and 1 for you) and his gluten-free food with him when he checks in. If you need more than 1 copy of the revised menu let me know. Some of the food will need to be frozen or refrigerated until used. It will all be labeled with his name, Pack #, preparation directions, and the day/meal when he is to eat it.
I will be there on Fri June xx . If you could have the binder with the ingredients available on that Friday I will look up the items I have questions about.  Please send me the menu as soon as possible so I have a chance to look over it.
If you have any questions feel free to contact me via the info below or when I am at camp on Friday June xx.

We have other children in our Pack with food allergies. I will pass the menu on to them. Should they use the same emails to contact you with their specific allergies, alternative food, etc? Or is there another process with additional paperwork we need to fill out?

This is the exact response I got from the camp cook:

"Menu is attached. Who will be helping your son prepare his special meals. We are able to lend some assistance, but a leader or your son will have to take responsibility. Bill."

I could not believe it! We were going to go through this again?!?!?!

My response: (My husband assures me that ALCON means All Concerned. LOL)

"ALCON,
We feel that response is not acceptable since earlier this year Rxxxxxx Xxxxxx had already assured me that we would not have the same issues as we had last year. I am not asking for a reduced rate (due to us providing his food), that you change your menu for him, provide food that he is able to eat, or even that you have an allergen-safe prep area in the kitchen. All we are asking is that you accommodate him by having an area to store his food (which seemed to be an issue last year) and have someone to heat it (mainly microwave). You seem to be asking that we pay an additional camp fee for someone to be on call to cook his meals, or inconvenience one of his leaders by forcing them to fix his food, or make him responsible for his own food. While we don’t disagree that at some point he needs to be responsible for his own food, this is Cub Scouts- not Boy Scouts. I am not sure he needs to be responsible for preparing/cooking his own food in an unfamiliar kitchen with unfamiliar appliances. I am positive you do not want a dirt loving, unsupervised kid in your clean kitchen, due to obvious sanitary reasons.

A little history:
Two years ago we did not have any problems. I met with the cook and Dxxx “nickname” about 2 weeks before camp. We went over the menu, made an alternative menu for my son, and the cook even changed some things - such as serving the spaghetti noodles separate from the sauce so all I had to do was send in the gluten free noodles to be cooked. She or someone on staff cooked his food. As far as I know there weren’t any issues.

Last year there was an issue with everything. I asked for the menu well in advanced. I asked a few specific questions (such as if the potatoes and eggs were box or real) via email to the cook - to which I received no response until I contacted some additional people. I finally received a response the day before my son was to report to name of camp stating that I needed to come to camp and look in a book to check for allergens. I would have been glad to do this had I been previously informed. Upon arrival to camp, I was informed that I needed to provide a cooler for his cold food and a box for all his other food. I was also informed (very rudely) that I would need to report to the kitchen about 15 minutes before meals to prepare everything for him. Again, I was not informed beforehand. I was not there as his parent. I was there as a leader for my younger son. In the end I believe Rxxxxx Xxxxxxx assisted with most of his meals, while I prepared one or two meals when Rxxxxx was busy. During my preparations I noticed that he was not even listed on the allergen board in the kitchen!

After our experience last year I spoke to several people about setting up reasonable procedures for the name of camp cafeteria regarding food allergic scouts; hoping that we wouldn’t have the same issue this year. I was told the issue was discussed and handled at a camp planning meeting in September, which I was unable to attend due to a conflicting schedule with our Pack. When I spoke to Rxxxxxx Xxxxxx at the University of Scouting he assured me this issue was resolved. He also mentioned that name of camp plans to have gluten free cereals available and to serve a gluten free dinner. He also assured me that there would be someone to prepare my son’s meals.

As previously mentioned we feel your response is not acceptable. His doctor believes that it is necessary for him to stay on a gluten free diet. Again we are not asking for any special accommodations, other than someone to prepare (mainly microwave) his food. If you are unable to accommodate this request, please let me know as soon as possible."

The next email came from the camp director:

"we will certainly have someone there to assist your son. The issue is this. We have a floating kitchen staff meaning the same people are not cooking every meal. So it might be a bit confusing. So during those meals that he needs assistance please have him come to the door with a leader to let them know. Ask to speak to Jxxxxxxx. I'm sure we can work it out! He can always find myself or Wxxx Cxxxx to help him as well.
Rest assured we will take good care of him!"

While I am glad they more or less said they would fix his meals I am not completely happy with the response. First- if you have a "floating kitchen staff" then why is he to always ask for Jxxxxxxx? If she is going to be in the kitchen at all times why can't she just fix what he needs fixed? Second-It seems like they are saying that he will have to go ask them to fix his food every meal, after he has arrived for his meal. Meaning that everyone else will be eating and he will have to wait. They need to rethink this since almost ever meal he needs something replaced. Every meal he will have to wait at least 5-10minutes before he gets all his food? They have a limited amount of time to eat. If he is waiting 10 minutes for his food then that leaves him with very little time to actually eat it...especially since he will have to wait for it to cool as it will be too hot to eat immediately. I guess I will find out what happens when we get there. But they have to put something more permanent in place since food allergies are becoming more of an issue with kids. Guess this will be my next project...going to all the meetings and lobbying for the rights of kids with food allergies. :-(

More Scout stuff

I recently read this and agree.
"We grieve today, not because we are faced with leaving Scouting, but because the Boy Scouts of America has left us. Its leadership has turned it's back on 103 years of abiding by a mission to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices".

Boy Scout Policy Change

I know this post will probably receive lots of nasty comments but remember these are my views, not yours.

It is a sad day today. The Boy Scouts of America caved to public pressure and money. It is a shame that such a great organization, in which we have become very heavily involved, chose to ignore the wants/views of it’s members and listened instead to the voices of a few and to the threats of withdrawal of money from a few corporations. I wonder what the outcome will be. How many boys/ leaders/ families will leave because of this? I bet more leave due to this decision than join. Locally we had several sponsor organizations, packs, and very involved adults (who if they left would cause some programming to not be available) say that if this was passed they would be leaving the Boy Scouts. I think this will have a bigger fallout then most people think.

My personal feelings are mixed. I was raised in a very conservative religious group. I was taught being homosexual is a sin. When I asked my friends of other religions what their church’s views were, they all told me basically the same thing (no matter what religion)- the church is open to all people, including those who claim to be homosexual. It is not a sin to claim to be homosexual; however it is a sin to act upon it. Who knows- maybe that is what the religion of my youth taught…to me it is one and the same. My religious views may differ from yours but I still believe it is a sin.

When I first heard of the Venturing program I was very excited. I thought it was great that girls were allowed in the Boy Scout program, especially since I know a lot of families who have boys in Boy Scouts but refuse to put their girls in Girl Scouts (due to their changes in policy/views). But the more I learned about the issues within the venturing group the more I don’t support it. There are so many issues that revolve around the fact that you have BOTH boys and girls in the same group. I am sure you can guess those issues without me going into a lot of details. It just isn’t a good combination.  I feel the same with this new policy. It isn’t a good combination.

My upmost concern is for the safety of my children. I fear that changing this policy changes that safety factor. My older son will no longer feel safe. He will have to constantly be on guard. People may say I am over-reacting or being judgmental, etc… but look at the Venturing issues. One of the main issues is the sex factor- flirting, touching, sex. Does gender make a difference? I am being realistic here. If a boy is homosexual…then doesn’t it make sense that if he finds a boy he likes in his Scouting group he will “hit” on him? Just as if a boy is “straight” and finds a girl he likes in his Venturing group he will “hit” on her. Why should my son have to worry about this? At one of the policy information meetings we attended someone stood up in support of this policy and said that we were worrying too much, that most boys already socialized with kids who claimed to be homosexual at school. My response is that is: 1. My son doesn’t go to their house; they don’t come to his. 2. He doesn’t spend time outside of school with them. In other words he doesn’t go camping with them. Now he will be forced to. Yes forced.

I also believe that by passing this policy (yes to homosexual youth, no to homosexual adults) they will be forced to revisit this issue again in the near future…and change it again, this time to include homosexual adults. Because if they say it is ok for youth to be homosexual, what happens when those youth become adults and want to help lead their Troop? Can the Boy Scouts then say “No you cannot become a leader because of your sexual orientation”? I doubt it. So then I will have people, who believe they are homosexuals and who possible will put their views out there, influencing my child. I do not want another adult (who my son will look up to) telling my son that it is ok to be gay when I am telling him it isn’t. Why should my child be exposed to this?

I am sure there will be a group formed because of this policy… just as the American Girls came to be because of the liberal policies of Girl Scouts. The thing is- Boy Scouts was a perfect fit for our family. While I was raised very strict conservative religious with church being the center of my life, my husband was not raised in church. They visited churches but never regularly or enough to make an impact in his life. He does not like churches. He does believe in God but says there is too much politics and money issues in church organizations. So Scouts was perfect: a little bit religious without being overly religious, it didn’t really force religion down your throat but still made you think about it. This is why Royal Rangers or other similar religious groups will not work for our family. The new group will have to be the same basic program for us to be involved. I am not sure that will happen. I think that it will become more religious than what my husband will be willing to deal with, particularly since it will be mainly supported by churches.

I believe this new policy violates the Scout Law and Oath. How can someone do their “duty to God” and be “Reverent” if according to their religion the Boy Scout policy is going against God, the Bible, or their religious teachings?   

While I do teach my children to be kind to all people, I also teach them to stand up for something they believe in…or don’t believe in. So while they can be kind to kids who believe they are homosexual they don’t have to agree with their lifestyle.

How can I continue with an organization that just passed a policy that I believe is wrong? Why must I deny MY “duty to God”? What am I teaching my children if I continue to support a group that goes against my beliefs? I am not sure what our decision as a family will be…it will depend on a few things…the first of which is will our Pack/Troop still be there? Will our sponsored organizations (both churches) continue their support? My oldest is only 6 months away from receiving his Eagle. That would be before the policy goes into effect so he may just get his Eagle and then get out. I also want to see what organization pops up for all those who are leaving Scouts…maybe that group will meet our needs better. Only the future can tell.

 Scout Oath:

On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

Scout Law:

A Scout is:

• Trustworthy,
• Loyal,
• Helpful,
• Friendly,
• Courteous,
• Kind,
• Obedient,
• Cheerful,
• Thrifty,
• Brave,
• Clean,
• and Reverent.

 

Updates

We left the group I was telling you about in the last blog and found another that is very accepting. They are so nice! They keep asking us our opinion on things…and they appreciate and respect what we do say.




I have to say I HATE that my oldest is going to public school! I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But he brings nothing home…literally no homework (except spelling & vocab). All their work is done in class. I have no clue what he is learning. They don’t have textbooks that they are allowed to bring home. They do have copy papers in their binders that they bring home. They do not require assignment books. There is no communication from the teachers to the parents at all. If you have an unorganized child this is setting them up to fail. I finally went in to the school and talked to the teacher in the class he seemed to be having a problem in (low grades for him). Come to find out the reasons he wasn’t doing well was because he was rushing through his work, sloppy writing, incomplete sentences, messy pages, and talking. When she showed me his work I told her I would not have accepted it from him. I would have made him take it back and redo it. She seemed very relieved to have a parent “on her side” (meaning not blaming her) and asked if I could be the parent of a few more of her kids. :-) We worked out a solution to his disorganization problems in her class and she now knows that if she has a problem with him she can just call/email me and I will take care of it. I am happy with the results of our meeting and I actually like her.

Camp and Gluten-free diets don't mix. :-(

Good News: My ½ week at camp went well, as far as the kids, activities, etc. The kids seemed to have a blast.



Bad News: The cook is an @#$%@^#. I emailed the Monday before camp with specific concerns- such as if they used real eggs, potatoes, etc. and if certain things contained gluten. He NEVER emailed me back! I finally called a higher-up Friday night and left a message. We were to be at camp Sunday afternoon…So I receive an email Saturday morning from the cook. He was obviously pissed off. Here was his response…on SATURDAY MORNING (when we had to leave Sunday to go to camp!!!):


“My suggestion to you is if you are concerned about any food items you can bring your own food as a replacement. The items must be in a clear plastic zip-lock type bag with the child’s name and date of packaging clearly marked on the outside of each bag. We will store the food items in the kitchen for you and have them available for you to prepare at each meal service. A microwave oven and other kitchen equipment will be available for your use. We also have a book with the list of ingredients for the items being served at camp available in the kitchen for review. I hope this helps.”



Ummm HELLOO!!!! The camp is about an hour away but I had been near it 3 times the week before. If I had known there was a book I could have stopped by and checked it. But telling me Sat morning- less than 24 hrs before we have to be there, isn’t going to help me! I also obviously didn’t read it very well because I completely missed the “available for YOU to prepare” part! But more on that later.


So we get there. The camp director volunteers to help haul my cooler to the kitchen. I go in and start unloading it. The cook gets an attitude and says “You have another cooler right?” I was like “umm no. This cooler contains things other than his food items. It is for our camp site. I wasn’t aware I needed to provide a cooler. Everything is marked with his name.” His reply “Fine! I will see if I can find something.” He returns with a clear tote. We store his food where it needs to go and I am about to leave when he says: “you are going to be here 15 minutes early to fix his food, right?” –Remember when I said that I didn’t read the email thoroughly? So this was a shock to me. Literally. -- I was floored.


So I am waiting outside for the camp director, getting really pissed off. While he drives me back to our camp site I decide to confront him. I told him I didn’t realize I would have to fix J’s food. I didn’t have to last year (as I hadn’t been at camp) and that I would need to be there 30 minutes early because I didn’t realize I needed ready-made stuff. I provided the same stuff I did last year, such as pasta for spaghetti and mac &cheese that needed to be cooked. The camp director was like “We are short-handed. He is just asking you to volunteer.” I replied that he didn’t ask me to volunteer he told me to do it. And that last year I didn’t have this problem. I also thought that he was only being like this because I was in camp, where-as last year I wasn't.” He said he would look into a solution and get back to me.


So I fixed J’s dinner that night. Thankfully it wasn’t much- he was able to eat most of what was served. I just needed to heat a g-f roll and provide a cookie for dessert. At dinner the camp director told me that they had figured out a solution and the director of activities would fix J’s food. I thanked him and told him if I was there as J's parent, without any responsibilities, it wouldn’t be an issue but I wasn’t there as J’s parent. I was there in another capacity, one that kept me separated from J most of the day.


So the cook never said anything else to me, although he gave me dirty looks the whole time I was there. And I only had to fix 2 of J’s meals.


Oh and the other thing that ticked me off…they had a white board in their kitchen with a list of allergies on it. So every kid/group that had an allergy should have been on that board; so-so from this group has a peanut allergy, etc. Well J’s name/group wasn’t listed at all!! How are you to know which kid has an allergy if you aren't listing all the allergies?!? Maybe they didn't list him because I provided most of his food but he still should have been listed because he also ate their food. His raw carrot allergy should have at least been listed, especially since I wasn't providing alternatives for that. (Oh and by the way I was right about the salad bar- it was all pre-packaged mix with carrots in it.)


The camp directors told me they hope to keep the cook. I personally hope they don’t but either way they WILL be cooking J’s food next year…come to find out they get Federal Funding…and there is this thing called the Disability Act Law that all groups who get Federal Funding must comply to…Guess who is going to be pressing this issue next year? ME!! ME!! (Hand in the air!)


The thing that really got me in the end is that all the cook needed to do was communicate.
I wasn’t asking them to provide food, just tell me what was in their food. If I read the Act right I could have forced that issue (providing food) as well. But I am not here to add extra financial burden on them. I just want them to cook the food I provide. Is that so hard?

Death comes aknockin again...

And the death question comes up again…how do you deal with death and children. My oldest son (12yrs), K, had Boy Scouts tonight. Afterward he found out that one of the boys died while on his way to Scouts. We have had a few family deaths in the last few years but this is the first death of someone who is anywhere close to K’s age. He seems o.k. but I don’t think it has sunk in yet. At the moment he is more upset that this child’s death is causing a mutual friend (I will call him JM just for clarity) pain. JM was good friends with the dead child. Tonight on the way to Scouts K had told me that JM is one of his “true friends”- someone who helps you just cause, who is there for you, and really cares about you. When K talked to JM tonight, JM cried while he told K what happened, how good of friends they (JM and the deceased child)had been, how upset he is, etc. K didn’t seem to know what to do, say, feel, etc. But I am proud of how he was there for his friend. K talked/texted with him for over an hour. They are suppose to talk again tomorrow too.


So while trying to figure out what to say to K I started pondering what I have taught my children about religion and God. I discovered I have lagged in that department. When I was younger, religion was always there. I got it at home, at church, with friends, family, etc. Since we moved away from my parents we haven’t found a church —or I should say I haven’t found a church, since my husband refuses to attend. The kids and I did attend a local church for a while but I discovered that my kids were unable to tell me the most basic Bible stories. Then I started working full-time and am required to work Sundays so we haven’t looked for another church again. Not sure there is much I can do about working Sundays at this point…but sometime in the future we will find another church.

For now I have searched through the Bible and have found some scriptures to comfort my son.

Here are some that I have found: 1 Thes 4:13-18; John 14:3, 27, 28; Rev 21:4; Rev 7:16; 1 Cor 15:52-54; Luke 18:16. I am going to use Mat 5:4 and Is 34:18 to let him know it is ok to grieve/cry. And then Ps 23 for comfort. Feel free to use them.

I have also decided that starting tomorrow we will have our first Bible story time. :-)