(Missing blog summary #1) Bullying in Public school

As I was looking at my blog this morning I realized that for some reason some of my posts have either not been published or have been deleted. I am not sure which- either way they aren’t even showing up for me. So here is a summary of some of the posts that are mysteriously missing.

My oldest started public school this past year. I found out in the middle of Nov that he was being bullied…by someone we knew. This bully is involved in just about everything we do too. He is a yes/no sir kid to your face but if you keep watching him (and he doesn’t know it) you will hear him say/do things that just don’t seem right. So I let it go- they are at the age where it is a power struggle thing. I let it go until the first weekend in Dec when the kid threatened (in front of several kids and on school camera- since they tape everything!) to break my son’s wrist. He had injured his wrist in wrestling and had it taped. After that I went to the coach, teachers, and Scout leader. The coach blew it off, said he would have a talk with BOTH my son and the bully (which I was pissed about). But I don’t think he ever did. The teachers were surprised (remember I said he was a yes/no sir kid) but said they would keep an eye out. The Scout leader said that sometimes power goes to a kid’s head when they become a leader (he was a senior patrol leader in the troop) and they would have a meeting with him and discuss what being a leader means, etc.

Then my son broke his collar bone during a soccer game. (a whole other blog) The first thing he said after the pain went down was that he couldn’t return to school because “the kids already mess with him. What would they do to him now that he had a broken bone.” I was furious! At both the school and him. He hadn’t said anything lately about kids bullying him so how was I to know? And the teachers were suppose to be watching for this – they knew what was going on! So I had a conversation with the assistant principal about the safety of my son and kept him out of school for over a week. The assistant principal seemed shocked that anything was going on. I told him if my son gets injured or touched in any way once he returned to school he would hear from my lawyer BEFORE he heard from me. I will no longer put up with the bullying!

The kids get away with bullying because there is no REAL punishment unless they physically harm someone or damage property. My son informed me that he can’t tell because the teachers don’t listen and it gets worse when he does say anything. These bullies get their hands slapped and then get sent back to class to make life even worse for kid being bullied. So much for the “No Bullying Policy”.

Yep Food Allergy Issues Again...we have to go through this again!

(Ignore the hyphenated links- I didn't put them in there. Don't click on them - they are just spam)

Remember my issues with gluten free food and camp last year? If not here it is: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8805802396615111471#editor/target=post;postID=7575027716423073464;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=11;src=postname
 Hopefully that takes you to the right place- if not it was published last July (2012).

So we had issues last year with the camp cook cooking my son's gluten-free food. Guess what?!?! We are having the same issues again this year!!!!!!! I have been so ticked off this week that I haven't been able to post. Here's what happened.

I emailed the camp cook (same as last year - unfortunately) and camp director (also same as last year). Here is an abbreviated version of my email.

Hi,
I need a menu of Cub Scout Resident Camp (2nd week) emailed to me.
My son, Pack xxx, has a raw carrot and gluten allergy. He is a Webelos so he will be there for the whole week. I will provide a revised menu (based on the menu you provide) with what he is allowed to eat and the substitutions that I have sent in place of what he isn't allowed to eat. He will bring 2 copies of the revised menu (1 for himself and 1 for you) and his gluten-free food with him when he checks in. If you need more than 1 copy of the revised menu let me know. Some of the food will need to be frozen or refrigerated until used. It will all be labeled with his name, Pack #, preparation directions, and the day/meal when he is to eat it.
I will be there on Fri June xx . If you could have the binder with the ingredients available on that Friday I will look up the items I have questions about.  Please send me the menu as soon as possible so I have a chance to look over it.
If you have any questions feel free to contact me via the info below or when I am at camp on Friday June xx.

We have other children in our Pack with food allergies. I will pass the menu on to them. Should they use the same emails to contact you with their specific allergies, alternative food, etc? Or is there another process with additional paperwork we need to fill out?

This is the exact response I got from the camp cook:

"Menu is attached. Who will be helping your son prepare his special meals. We are able to lend some assistance, but a leader or your son will have to take responsibility. Bill."

I could not believe it! We were going to go through this again?!?!?!

My response: (My husband assures me that ALCON means All Concerned. LOL)

"ALCON,
We feel that response is not acceptable since earlier this year Rxxxxxx Xxxxxx had already assured me that we would not have the same issues as we had last year. I am not asking for a reduced rate (due to us providing his food), that you change your menu for him, provide food that he is able to eat, or even that you have an allergen-safe prep area in the kitchen. All we are asking is that you accommodate him by having an area to store his food (which seemed to be an issue last year) and have someone to heat it (mainly microwave). You seem to be asking that we pay an additional camp fee for someone to be on call to cook his meals, or inconvenience one of his leaders by forcing them to fix his food, or make him responsible for his own food. While we don’t disagree that at some point he needs to be responsible for his own food, this is Cub Scouts- not Boy Scouts. I am not sure he needs to be responsible for preparing/cooking his own food in an unfamiliar kitchen with unfamiliar appliances. I am positive you do not want a dirt loving, unsupervised kid in your clean kitchen, due to obvious sanitary reasons.

A little history:
Two years ago we did not have any problems. I met with the cook and Dxxx “nickname” about 2 weeks before camp. We went over the menu, made an alternative menu for my son, and the cook even changed some things - such as serving the spaghetti noodles separate from the sauce so all I had to do was send in the gluten free noodles to be cooked. She or someone on staff cooked his food. As far as I know there weren’t any issues.

Last year there was an issue with everything. I asked for the menu well in advanced. I asked a few specific questions (such as if the potatoes and eggs were box or real) via email to the cook - to which I received no response until I contacted some additional people. I finally received a response the day before my son was to report to name of camp stating that I needed to come to camp and look in a book to check for allergens. I would have been glad to do this had I been previously informed. Upon arrival to camp, I was informed that I needed to provide a cooler for his cold food and a box for all his other food. I was also informed (very rudely) that I would need to report to the kitchen about 15 minutes before meals to prepare everything for him. Again, I was not informed beforehand. I was not there as his parent. I was there as a leader for my younger son. In the end I believe Rxxxxx Xxxxxxx assisted with most of his meals, while I prepared one or two meals when Rxxxxx was busy. During my preparations I noticed that he was not even listed on the allergen board in the kitchen!

After our experience last year I spoke to several people about setting up reasonable procedures for the name of camp cafeteria regarding food allergic scouts; hoping that we wouldn’t have the same issue this year. I was told the issue was discussed and handled at a camp planning meeting in September, which I was unable to attend due to a conflicting schedule with our Pack. When I spoke to Rxxxxxx Xxxxxx at the University of Scouting he assured me this issue was resolved. He also mentioned that name of camp plans to have gluten free cereals available and to serve a gluten free dinner. He also assured me that there would be someone to prepare my son’s meals.

As previously mentioned we feel your response is not acceptable. His doctor believes that it is necessary for him to stay on a gluten free diet. Again we are not asking for any special accommodations, other than someone to prepare (mainly microwave) his food. If you are unable to accommodate this request, please let me know as soon as possible."

The next email came from the camp director:

"we will certainly have someone there to assist your son. The issue is this. We have a floating kitchen staff meaning the same people are not cooking every meal. So it might be a bit confusing. So during those meals that he needs assistance please have him come to the door with a leader to let them know. Ask to speak to Jxxxxxxx. I'm sure we can work it out! He can always find myself or Wxxx Cxxxx to help him as well.
Rest assured we will take good care of him!"

While I am glad they more or less said they would fix his meals I am not completely happy with the response. First- if you have a "floating kitchen staff" then why is he to always ask for Jxxxxxxx? If she is going to be in the kitchen at all times why can't she just fix what he needs fixed? Second-It seems like they are saying that he will have to go ask them to fix his food every meal, after he has arrived for his meal. Meaning that everyone else will be eating and he will have to wait. They need to rethink this since almost ever meal he needs something replaced. Every meal he will have to wait at least 5-10minutes before he gets all his food? They have a limited amount of time to eat. If he is waiting 10 minutes for his food then that leaves him with very little time to actually eat it...especially since he will have to wait for it to cool as it will be too hot to eat immediately. I guess I will find out what happens when we get there. But they have to put something more permanent in place since food allergies are becoming more of an issue with kids. Guess this will be my next project...going to all the meetings and lobbying for the rights of kids with food allergies. :-(

Bullying

I recently read the blog post below. I found it interesting. Read her post and then see my comments below.



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You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face

12 FEB 2012

by queenofthecouch (http://viewsfromthecouch.com/2012/02/12/you-didnt-thank-me-for-punching-you-in-the-fac/)



On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:



I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own. I find it appalling that this line of bulls*** is still being fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.



When the f*** was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.



My daughter is `10 years old and has come home on more than one occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little a**h*** and a**h***s are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with a**h***s she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues, to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter, grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be flattered? F*** off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s a**, if necessary. They sure as s*** wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.



I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect, friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them that bullying is a valid expression of affection.



The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I LOVE YOU”.



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I like her main message. I don’t appreciate the language (which is why I bleeped it) but I understand her frustration. As a mom of boys I would hope that if my son did any of the above actions to another girl (or boy), the adult (be it teacher or other parent) would tell me. I don’t want his actions excused! I want to explain to him why it is wrong, teach him how to express himself, and make him apologize to the child.




My middle son, who is 9, would be more apt to “express” himself by teasing the girl and those actions would be appropriate for his maturity level. Notice I did not say that his actions would be right or that I would approve of them- just that they would be age appropriate. If he did do this, it would be a learning/teaching opportunity for us. However if my older son, who is 13, told a girl she was “ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair” (quote from the blog) I would not consider it age-appropriate at all. Truth be told he would be in deep doo-doo. We are talking deep, deep doo-doo-- Like grounded for a year stuff…no phone, computer, game systems, sleepovers, no fun, etc, for a year. I don’t tolerate it.






I have a similar issue…the difference is that I deal with a lot of boy-on-boy bullying. A lot of times other moms dismiss the bullying because they are “just being boys”. I am sorry -being a boy does not mean bullying other boys, saying hateful things or tormenting another child. If my son says/does mean things to your son I make him apologize. If your son said/did mean things to my son I expect the same. This hardly ever happens. Usually my middle son takes the brunt of the bullying. He is social immature and therefore easier to bully. The thing is – if he was a girl I think the other moms would have problems with what their boy said/did and would make them apologize. How ironic is that?!?