High school part-time; homeschooling part-time.Hopefully the best of both worlds.

If you have read my previous blogs you are aware of some of the issues we had this last year via the public school. For one of the bullying blogs see the entry in June labeled “(Missing blog summary #1) Bullying in Public school”. What I didn’t mention previously is that we also had issues with some teachers. 

The band teacher went off on the whole class, yelling “Who the hell do you think you all are” and using the s-word (as my kids call it). At the beginning of the year my son couldn’t wait for band because he had wanted lessons forever but we hadn’t been able to afford them. He came home after that and wanted to quit band immediately. He refused to enroll in band for the next year…and he wasn’t the only one. From what I understand 75% of the 8^th grade band refused to take band the next year. It is such a shame that one teacher can ruin a child’s love for a class in such a way. (And yes I went to the school about this but they did nothing. The teacher did apologize to the class but it was too late at that point).

The school’s policy for make-up work is the number of days you missed plus one. So if you missed 2 days of school you have 3 days to get caught up with all your assignments. We had one teacher who did not follow this at all. She expected my son to take 6 tests (voc and spelling) in 3 days! Because she had put him off for so long and it was the end of the grading period so she had to enter a grade for the tests. She also tried to dock him for 2 assignments that he “had to be present the day of to pass” (which is not what the policy says). 

We had another teacher who did not return emails and phone calls for 3 weeks! Literally. Then when she did reply her response was “I didn’t know your email required a response”!! Hello---I only asked about 4 questions in my email! Overall our experience was horrible!

So I was hoping my son would decide to go back to homeschooling. And yes I was leaving that decision up to him. He wants to play soccer and he made the JV team last year. In our area there just isn’t a lot offered for high school age kids as far as competitive sports go. I was willing to fight the school, the bad teachers, and the bullies for another year for him…if he decided he wanted to stay in public school. 

The end of July I get a call from him (he was visiting his grandparents out of state). He had given homeschooling a lot of thought and decided he really wanted to be homeschooled again, but that he wanted a different math program (we were using Saxon, which he HATED)…and then he made an off-handed remark about having more free time to do whatever he wanted to do (such as play his xbox). So I was somewhat excited but the last comment gave me pause. Was he serious about homeschooling or did he just pick it cause he thinks he can play the xbox all the time? Plus I had not looked at ANY curriculum at all! And it was close to the deadline to file with the county that we were homeschooling. So I thought about and talked to some friends. I decided we would go pick his schedule up from the high school. He did not want to do this at all, which really surprised me. I thought he would at least want to go see some friends, say hi, whatever. But he was not happy about going to get that schedule. However I wanted to see what he had been assigned. Imagine my surprise when he had ALL honors classes! Last year I made them put him in honors English. But now he was in honors science and history as well! I guess, even though he didn’t get straight A’s, the teachers must have really liked him and thought he had potential for honors classes. After I got over that shock we looked at his electives. Sure enough he had an engineering class and a technology class (like woodshop but more advanced). I asked him if he wanted to take those classes because that is not something I could easily offer him at home. Of course he did. So we visited the guidance office and then called the school board office and then went back to the guidance office again! After all that run around we finally have him enrolled part-time at the high school. He will be taking the engineering and technology classes, plus a graphic design and geometry class. He agreed to stay in the geometry class because the teacher is the husband of his old tutor. (long story for a different time!) I will be teaching him English/reading, history, and science at home. He will have half a day at the school and half a day at home. :-) I am hoping this will eliminate some of the bullying issues. And so far I like the teachers, especially the one who told me that he would be contacting me. He believes in parent involvement. That just made my day. LOL

Now all I have to do is write an “Intent to Homeschool” letter to the school board office and we will be set for the year….WAIT! I still have to buy his curriculum! Ebay here I come! :-)

Sure, Award the bully! Seriously!

Ok. So I don’t remember if I have told you all about the issues we were having with a particular group that my oldest son is a member in…but basically there is a child who repeatedly bullied my son, along with threatening to break his wrist. This child is also in a leadership position within this group, which makes it double hard for my son. We have had other problems within the group, but that was the main one. So we go to an event last night where they are giving out things that the kids have earned throughout the summer. My son did not want to attend but we felt he should make an appearance. Along with the earned items they gave out some other awards. Guess who got the award of “Scouter of the Year”?!?! The same child who repeatedly bullied my child and threatened to break his wrist!! Seriously! It isn’t like this kid has ever apologized to our son or admitted that he was wrong, or anything! Yet somehow he “earned” this award. Yeah. NOT. In my opinion- bullying another child weighs a lot more than doing a job you weren’t assigned to do. That’s just called helping out…Which any of the kids would have done. The bullying is a more serious offense and it should have made him ineligible for the award.  If they want to award a child whose bad attributes outweigh his good, then this isn’t the group for us. Guess what we are doing next week? Shopping for a different group.

(Missing blog summary #1) Bullying in Public school

As I was looking at my blog this morning I realized that for some reason some of my posts have either not been published or have been deleted. I am not sure which- either way they aren’t even showing up for me. So here is a summary of some of the posts that are mysteriously missing.

My oldest started public school this past year. I found out in the middle of Nov that he was being bullied…by someone we knew. This bully is involved in just about everything we do too. He is a yes/no sir kid to your face but if you keep watching him (and he doesn’t know it) you will hear him say/do things that just don’t seem right. So I let it go- they are at the age where it is a power struggle thing. I let it go until the first weekend in Dec when the kid threatened (in front of several kids and on school camera- since they tape everything!) to break my son’s wrist. He had injured his wrist in wrestling and had it taped. After that I went to the coach, teachers, and Scout leader. The coach blew it off, said he would have a talk with BOTH my son and the bully (which I was pissed about). But I don’t think he ever did. The teachers were surprised (remember I said he was a yes/no sir kid) but said they would keep an eye out. The Scout leader said that sometimes power goes to a kid’s head when they become a leader (he was a senior patrol leader in the troop) and they would have a meeting with him and discuss what being a leader means, etc.

Then my son broke his collar bone during a soccer game. (a whole other blog) The first thing he said after the pain went down was that he couldn’t return to school because “the kids already mess with him. What would they do to him now that he had a broken bone.” I was furious! At both the school and him. He hadn’t said anything lately about kids bullying him so how was I to know? And the teachers were suppose to be watching for this – they knew what was going on! So I had a conversation with the assistant principal about the safety of my son and kept him out of school for over a week. The assistant principal seemed shocked that anything was going on. I told him if my son gets injured or touched in any way once he returned to school he would hear from my lawyer BEFORE he heard from me. I will no longer put up with the bullying!

The kids get away with bullying because there is no REAL punishment unless they physically harm someone or damage property. My son informed me that he can’t tell because the teachers don’t listen and it gets worse when he does say anything. These bullies get their hands slapped and then get sent back to class to make life even worse for kid being bullied. So much for the “No Bullying Policy”.

Books and Bullying

So we have had issues with bullying in public school and with “friends” in the past. This hasn’t been a huge problem lately though- Thank goodness!


I came across a book this past week. I read it in 2 days- it was that good! It is The Year of Learning Dangerously by Quinn Cummings. I didn’t agree with everything she said but I love that the author was willing to admit her own shortcomings in her own education and how she felt overwhelmed at times and doubted that she was doing the best for her child by homeschooling her. This is an issue that all homeschool parents have at some point- Am I doing what is best for my child? Anyways- one of the parts that stuck out to me (so much so that I wrote it down!) was her summary on bullying. She is talking about all the questions someone (who she refers to as the interrogator) asks when they find out you homeschool. Here is the quote that I wrote down from pg 24: “‘But,’ the Interrogator might ask, ‘how will these kids learn to deal with bullies and jerks?’ As luck would have it, there are bullies at the Scout meetings, in the mall, on the playground and even at family reunions. There are jerks everywhere you look. Children who homeschool do get to negotiate with socially toxic people. What they don’t get to do is grimly endure an entire year sitting two feet from a person who makes their lives miserable on a regular and predictable basis. It’s not unreasonable to hope that by the time homeschooled children enter the world as adults, they will have acquired the self-possession required to walk away from someone who is belittling them and been spared the recurring nightmares of being trapped in the locker room with the bully.”

This is SO true! I had tried to figure a way to sum up the answer to this question, particularly since we have experienced bullying in various place and not just the public school. I absolutely love this part: “What they don’t get to do is grimly endure an entire year sitting two feet from a person who makes their lives miserable on a regular and predictable basis.” I like that particular part because bullying is one of the reasons I pulled my 2nd son out of public school. Yes he still gets bullied occasionally by “friends” but it is not a consistent thing. He isn’t coming home from everything we do crying that no one likes him, so-so was mean to him, etc. Instead of coming off the bus every other day crying and upset I now have a child who gets upset only occasionally about another child bullying him- maybe once a quarter, instead of every day. And because of the homeschooling community that we are in if he tells me about it when it happens I know I can always make it into a teaching lesson with all the kids involved…and the parents won’t be upset that I “corrected” their child! LOL

The school year has begun!!...and with it some changes

A new school year!! This year brings some changes to our house.


We have decided to allow our oldest to attend public school. We made this decision for many reasons but the main three were: 1. In our school district 8th grade is in our high school. 2. Our local Parks & Rec doesn’t offer hardly any sports for kids who turn 14 yrs old. & 3. I want him to enroll in dual enrollment (the kids get college credits for high school classes thus starting their college career early).

“Meet The Teacher” Night was 5-7pm and let me tell you…they lock the doors at exactly 7pm!! I was told we could come anytime with the 2 hrs. I had planned to be there at 5 – 5:30 at the latest. Hubby got home from work late (he wanted to go too) so we didn’t get there till 6pm. Between teachers not being in their class, where they are suppose to be so we can meet them, and the school telling teachers to lock their doors and leave at exactly 7pm (yes they said this over the loudspeaker) we didn’t get to meet every one of his teachers. It was very frustrating. When my kids were in elementary school they had the same times but the school was open till you got done, not on lock-down right at 7. Literally at 7pm the teachers locked their doors, the lights were being turned out, and teachers and administrators were leaving.

Anyways I liked one of his teachers and told people about her. As soon as I did I started receiving very bad reviews about her last 5 yrs with the high school. It was everything from “she doesn’t teach instead she befriends them and has the girls doing her hair during class time” to “she loses homework and blames it on the child” to “if she finds out that your child ‘got her in trouble’ then she bullies them by punishing the whole class and naming your child as the reason”. I tried to get his scheduled changed but they wouldn’t do anything…So needless to say I am keeping my eye on her. I didn’t put him back into public school for him to have a teacher who doesn’t teach and worse bullies the kids!! I will be on first name basis with that school. They will know my car when I pull up outside and will run and hide! LOL I am somewhat serious though. I will not have my child bullied by a teacher and not be taught anything. He had enough of that (the not learning anything) in elementary school.

The high school has an unusual schedule, at least to me. They have an A/B schedule but it isn’t just A/B every other day…there is also A/B every nine weeks or half year. My biggest complaint is that they do not have math all year. It is a half year class, meaning they have it every day for half the year. The other half year is a foreign language. Why couldn’t they have foreign language and math every other day all year? It would help with their retention. They have English every day all year. They have Science & History every other day all year. Then they have one class that is all year every other day and for the other day it changes every nine weeks. They don’t have a study hall…instead they have a half hour advisory period after lunch. In advisory period they can do their homework, go see teachers about make-up work if they missed days, or see teachers for work they didn’t understand.

So school started last week. He was very excited but nervous. His first ½ week (they start on Wed) went well. He hasn’t had any homework at all, which he is loving. I have been reviewing his work every day but it isn’t like he brings books home. I am not even sure if they have a book for every child. He does bring home copied papers so I can see what they are talking about in class though.

I am hopeful for the year but at the same time I am apprehensive. I have a vision in my head of me crashing through the doors and yelling at people. LOL Hopefully it won’t come true. If it does I will be writing about it! After all I am under no illusion that public school is the best system…and I would not hesitate to pull him out and homeschool him again if I feel that is the only way he will get a good education.

Really people?!?! Excluding kids based on food allergies.

J is gluten-free due to his reaction to gluten. He does not have celiac but is "sensitive" to gluten. This week I was confronted with a comment that made me very mad. I had asked about the possibility of an organization we are deeply involved in of purchasing a gluten-free (g-f) pizza. The place they were buying pizza from offers g-f pizzas for the same price as non-g-f so I didn't see it as a big deal to ask. The response was: "I do not want to start catering to all dietary needs, that could lead into a big ordeal.". Whether she intended it to or not, her response rubbed me wrong. My son does NOT have a "dietary need" - he has a food allergy!! To me, "dietary need" is not the same as allergy. And if we had an child with a more severe reaction they would HAVE to "cater to their "dietary need".
I responded and included the following: "I understand your position. However, I disagree. J is a member of this organization and it is medically necessary that he does not eat anything with gluten. It is absolutely possible for ANYONE to eat a gluten free pizza but it is impossible for J to consume non-gluten free pizza. To exclude him is unfair and directly telling him that he didn’t matter. He has gotten upset every time the organization has had a food event in which he can’t participate. I apologize- it was not my intent for my request to escalate as much as it seems to. Again I thought it would not be an issue, given where the organization was ordering from and the cost being the same."


I decided to look up the laws for people with food allergies. Here is what I learned:

"At a recent food allergy roundtable in New York City, Mary Jane Marchisotto, Executive Director of the Food Allergy Initiative (FAI) shared the most recent statistics on food allergies, saying that, “Every classroom now has two students with food allergies.” A July 2011 study funded by FAI and published in Pediatrics, found that 15 million Americans and one in every thirteen children now suffer from food allergies – a significant increase from prior data." http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/04/27/virginia-enacts-stock-epinephrine-law-to-help-protect-students-with-allergies/
"A food allergy may be considered a disability under federal laws such as Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)." http://www.foodallergy.org/section/disability



I also called my son's specialist. I never asked for a letter stating his sensitivity to gluten because I didn't think I would need it since we homeschool. I am now requesting that letter.

In the end the organization won't provide g-f pizza for J. While I still think they are being unreasonable, considering there is no added cost or effort on their part, I am fine with it. I will once again provide my son with food, while trying to explain to him that having a food allergy is not an exclusion from participation and that other kids don't think he is weird for not eating "normal" food.. :-(







UPDATE: So we went to our event with our g-f bought pizza. And one of the members of the organization had gone out of his way and purchased gf pretzels and cookies for J. He also gave us money for the gf pizza, saying that we shouldn't have to pay for our own food when it was a organization event. I am not sure if he purchased the items out of his own pocket or if the organization paid for them. I appreciate what he did because it made me feel like someone was on my side. At the same time if it is out of his own pocket it makes me feel bad. He shouldn't have to pay it himself either- it's not his kid. But again I really appreciate it. He even went out of his way to talk to J and show him where the stuff was. He really is a sweetie! :-)

Bullying

I recently read the blog post below. I found it interesting. Read her post and then see my comments below.



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You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face

12 FEB 2012

by queenofthecouch (http://viewsfromthecouch.com/2012/02/12/you-didnt-thank-me-for-punching-you-in-the-fac/)



On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:



I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own. I find it appalling that this line of bulls*** is still being fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.



When the f*** was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.



My daughter is `10 years old and has come home on more than one occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little a**h*** and a**h***s are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with a**h***s she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues, to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter, grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be flattered? F*** off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s a**, if necessary. They sure as s*** wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.



I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect, friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them that bullying is a valid expression of affection.



The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I LOVE YOU”.



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I like her main message. I don’t appreciate the language (which is why I bleeped it) but I understand her frustration. As a mom of boys I would hope that if my son did any of the above actions to another girl (or boy), the adult (be it teacher or other parent) would tell me. I don’t want his actions excused! I want to explain to him why it is wrong, teach him how to express himself, and make him apologize to the child.




My middle son, who is 9, would be more apt to “express” himself by teasing the girl and those actions would be appropriate for his maturity level. Notice I did not say that his actions would be right or that I would approve of them- just that they would be age appropriate. If he did do this, it would be a learning/teaching opportunity for us. However if my older son, who is 13, told a girl she was “ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair” (quote from the blog) I would not consider it age-appropriate at all. Truth be told he would be in deep doo-doo. We are talking deep, deep doo-doo-- Like grounded for a year stuff…no phone, computer, game systems, sleepovers, no fun, etc, for a year. I don’t tolerate it.






I have a similar issue…the difference is that I deal with a lot of boy-on-boy bullying. A lot of times other moms dismiss the bullying because they are “just being boys”. I am sorry -being a boy does not mean bullying other boys, saying hateful things or tormenting another child. If my son says/does mean things to your son I make him apologize. If your son said/did mean things to my son I expect the same. This hardly ever happens. Usually my middle son takes the brunt of the bullying. He is social immature and therefore easier to bully. The thing is – if he was a girl I think the other moms would have problems with what their boy said/did and would make them apologize. How ironic is that?!?